I had fun today as a temporary worker, getting out and meeting new people...doing things. I really like clothes, btw..
Anyway, I did something stupid before I left today. I said something to someone whom I cared for so much and didn't really mean it. I was insecure. I was...okay, I was jealous.
Well, come home..
And now, I know I fucked myself over.
I'm depressed now.
And it's happened yet again.

It's sad, really.. I'm aching so much inside, I'm so..hurt and sad that things came to this, that it all turned out this way... But I can't..cry.. I can't. I have nothing left in me anymore. I have no more tears to shed or give. I've cried way too much in my life..that now, I'm just.. empty..

My insecurities ruin me. Thanks to people in my life I've had and still do.. which ruined and still ruin me.

I honestly don't think I'm worth it anymore.

EDIT:

///Later///

I decided that it's going to be okay.

I prayed to my God over it. Call me religious or whatever.
I feel a sense of calm.
It's going to be okay.
I know now.
And I've finally come to a decision...
This may be for the very best.
I still wish to remain friends, if she is willing to be.
But as for love..
Well, I don't know anymore.
I love her so much, so very much...
But I now seriously think and see...that it's just not meant to be, at least not in that sort of way.





*sighs*

I mean, I had my suspicions.
Things... Just don't add up. No.
I count everything. I add stuff up.
And I feel and sense things. I sense what is going on.
I'm not gonna say it. I'm not gonna accuse..
I just.. Have those feelings..
Something within my heart just..telling me these things.
Something's not right here.


And now...
It's hurting again.
I think by now I am covered in scars.
I want to cry... Why can't I cry? Why?


...I still love this person. So much. *falls down and over*
But it was agreed to take the break.
Well, that in itself just proves it.
I don't know if I can stand the words "I love you" anymore. I'm tired of the constant reminders. One shouldn't have to say that or hear that being said. It's just a way to convince yourself that what you are saying is true.
Sorry, I'm just ruined. I have been ruined.
I can't help the way I am and the way I feel.
I am perhaps one hell of a big screw up.